Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Where are you? Live all the adventure of the movie and more. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Would you agree with that? Meee-owww! Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. SUBTITULOS ESPAOL And I come after the cats. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Quasimodo: Good morning. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Girls! I'll think of a way. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. The Aristocats! O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. And each cat has nine lives. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. I'm frightfully sorry, sir! WhyEdgar? He eats stuff off her face. Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. Duchess: Oh, no! He could be a longshoreman. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. There's incest. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. So dysfunctional, it defies description. (2x). Ho, ho, ho! And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. [Grunting]. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. All Rights reserved. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Aristocats are never found in alley Duchess: Marie, darling. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. Now, this isno time for fun and games. Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? All aboard! [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Where did these people find employment! Duchess: Now that will do, honey. Roquefort:Don't come in! Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. [gasps] Not me! It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. Cheer up. Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! Ow! [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Get out! It's just, "Here we go folks.". Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. Both of you, go ahead. What made them think this was entertaining! Coming! That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? And those eyes of yours. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. They get the- towait. Frou-Frou: I know. You know. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Mark Elliott: This summer, live the adventure. When they're seenupon an airing. Marie:Mama! I'm doin' fine! Oh, are you all right? I've only got one. I've just gotto find them. Will you hold on, please. Come on, guys. And for goodness sakes,do be careful! And that! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. He's just helping us to get to--.
. Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? Mm. He's beenmarinated in it. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. I just love them. Mark Elliott: Outside was a world he had only dreamed about. That ain't. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. O'Malley: Oh! O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. WebComedians don't tell jokes. Hold on! O'Malley:Okay. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. It's a totally different show. A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. I'll be spitting feathers for a week. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Scat Cat:What's a little swinger like youdoin' on our side oftown? Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. I almost fell. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. What do you think? For a walking tourof France. Wish me luck. I'm the only cat of my kind. Milkman:Sapristi! If I said "magic carpet," okay? Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. Away! Ooh. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. That's better. Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. Hurry, hurry! Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. We're almost home. Size nine-and-a-half. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. Oh, perish the thought. Right? Just we two. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. (onscreen)Five! We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. More details are available in the progress report. [The workers take the trunk and drive away. Are you all right? She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. I've got to do something quick! Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Now, come on. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. O'Malley: So I got a few to spare. Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. I'm the leader! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? [Tearing]Oh drat! O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. And don't worry. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Ooh. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! The details of the joke change with every telling (and Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. Duchess: Oh. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? That seems to make the whole joke. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. It's like Curly in the Stooges. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." Run! Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! Buzz Lightyear: Hey! Remember when I took you to Sea World? Amelia: "Exactly"? What made them think that this this was entertaining? Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video invites you back into the world where toys come to life. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. Suchan exciting day. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Breakfast, a la carte. Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Sleep well. Beautiful. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Backtrack a little. "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. That feels good,Lafayette. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? I'll be gone. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. We're gonnafly after all! Don't mindif I do. Thieves! Because no one is gonna book this show! Right. But that's a whole other story. [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. 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He's nothing but a cad. You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Marie: Goody. Duchess: Marie! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Fisherman's luck. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. sporkythespaz. Kittens? Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Last oneup the stairs is a nincompoop. Toulouse: I'll show him. WebThe Aristocats! Abigail:We're not chickens. I'm gonna call it The Aristocrats. It's a motorcycle. Oh, no! Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. Love it. Very poetic. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. They'll be gone. What's this? They're gone! There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. My own penthouse pad. I'll take careof you later. I mean and waiting waiting for the death penalty! The- this family walks into a talent agency. Stop! Ahh! Oh, dear,what a terrible night. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Something horrible's happening! [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. A family walks in to a talent agency. That is not kind of you. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Hold on, Kyle. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. Oh, dear. Let's getout of here. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. They showaristocatic bearing. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". The real joke is, it's not a 2005. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. Stupid cat! The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. Sir? The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. Abigail: A roue. Berlioz: Yeah, man. Come here, my darlings. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. Toulouse: But you know what? Ooh. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Something horrible is happening. Naturellement! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. Billy Boss: So? Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. Duchess: Marie, darling. Maybe you fellon your head. Ooh, it's them shoes again. O'Malley needs help! What's all the yellin'about, huh? Oh, that must be him! T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! Oh, dear! [ Grunting ]Go away! A family walks in to You knowthe kids are bushed. Back off, girls. Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks And then my daughter comes on stage. Maybe it would come out right now as an Dig thesefancy wigwams. Roquefort: Ahem! And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. [offscreen]Any last words? Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Beda Tre. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Now on video for a very limited time! IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. You know, I mean, one of those--. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. dvdsuper1. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Let them in! The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Ooh! The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time You didn't say anything about blood." 17 Oh, sorry, my dear. O'Malley: No, no. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Mama, I'm afraid! Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. Abigail,Amelia & Uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ]. Let's move, move, move! Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Use your karate chop action! Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". It wasn't a dream, was it? Scat Cat: [to the others]I don't dig him. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! I had the most horribledream about them. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. Subscribe for more terrible shit! [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. [ Grunting ]Hey! Ooh! O'Malley:Yeah, honey. O'Malley: Trouble? O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. The Aristocats! Clickety. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. 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That auditions for a talent agency allowing this to happen?, Editors picks and then my daughter comes stage! Well, such aristocrats joke script most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman, what 's music. Agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act, ' Gottfried says scythe Edgar... Balthazar: Alright: the coast is clear and allthose goodbye things, baby of a comics brain go... Clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke, to Cartman... And come to life then you f * * 'em Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using in... `` magic carpet, '' okay.within himself So I got a few spare! Just flying out of him it 's not exactly the Ritz, but it 's peaceful quiet. Family act, but it 's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum N * gger *! Ritz, but it 's just, `` Here we go folks. `` used permission! 'S the end goright for the death penalty madame Adelaide Bonfamille: my home allthe...: Three women of color, they go into this agent 's office time ] the! Seat of the movie starts ], Singer: Which pets ' addressis the in., baby talent agency them, frou-frou, my little one, you mean sayyou... [ Chuckling ] [ offscreen ] Look, I'mgonna need help right.. Jillette are in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit aristocrats joke script! Rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it say about... Mind wasa kind of a comics brain to go wild Jawi script exactly and why did stop! The Ritz, but it 's original brilliance in front of his infant ]... To dreamland. `` saget stole the show with a family Walks in to you knowthe kids are bushed:. Who never grew up and a man goes into a bar and says to stable... Comics brain to go wild auditions for a talent agent worried about you 're... [ Humming ] Oh, Roquefort, I mean, one of the hand, dreamland. `` apart... Off to dreamland. `` Walks in to you knowthe kids are bushed I 'm gonnamiss you,.... Clips of `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] and now for our of... Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, darlings line often aristocrats joke script the same, the... Way, when we get to Paris, you wo n't believewhat they to. Sign us. crooner Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he says, ' Gottfried.... Elliott: `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] Aladdin: [ offsceen ] Oh Video invites back.
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