A Feminist wrote a book called, Men Are Just Desserts. Why porn will raise a man's testosterone but then lower it dramatically as their estrogen levels increase which isn't healthy for them. Professionally, I had been teaching about relationships for a good ten years and much of that time was teaching about the differences between man and women, and very successfully. In his newest book, Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice, author John Gray explains how our hormones, stress levels, and recent social and gender customs have collided to create the conflicts and health ills we see in present-day western relationships and marriages. When my wife would take responsibility for her happiness, and then ask me to do something [for her], then she would become happier, and I would take credit for the whole thing. You are going to buy what you want and thats it. For men, retirement means 2 to 3 years to a heart attack, according to statistics. Then, she comes home to her partner who is safer than the rest of the world and those negative emotions all come up and overreact on him. Crazy. Ive dated dramatic and overly emotional women and its just not for me. : http://bit.ly/1wJ0ugIOur Fantastic Lineup: http://bit.ly/1qMi2jEConnect with OWN Online:Visit the OWN WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/1qMi2jELike OWN on FACEBOOK: http://on.fb.me/1AXYujpFollow OWN on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/1sJin8YFollow OWN on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/LnqzMzFollow OWN on PINTEREST: http://bit.ly/2dvfPeNBonnie: \"There Is Life After Breast Cancer\" | Book of John Gray | Oprah Winfrey Networkhttp://www.youtube.com/user/OWN 2Go Travel; Cokaliong Shipping Lines; Maayo Shipping Lines Two. Feel it and know that it is not you. Okay, so the first response was not as thoughtful as it should have been. There are so many things we need to spend money on in the house and you are buying a computer. I was just counseling a woman today and she is a very unhappy woman because her husband is emotionally unavailable, and not affectionate. I noticed where she shifted and was consciously doing that. He says he is ducking and dodging, continuing to hold back and not retaliate, but he is aware that he can take only so much more. Did you know that heart break can lead to heart disease? Bonnie: Of course you do. Collect, curate and comment on your files. Like, for instance, being from Venus? Gray says that there are serious main and side effects to making them act like they are from Mars. TheBREATHE | Breath & Wellness21 day guided program was made for you. You can also visit VenusOnFireMarsOnIce.com. We just hang out and we update each other on our lives. The goal is lower estrogen and increasing testosterone. This approach asks his patience as a favor to her and promises that the barrage will be as brief as can be, still allowing time for the feelings to be expressed. I was disappointed or frustrated key is to add emotions as opposed to statements like you dont care. I hear all these stories of women in their sixties who get awakened and they go, Gee, I want something, and I just dont have it with my partner. When couples are getting divorced they find reasons why theyre getting divorced, but the bottom line is theyre not having sex. Its like when we were talking about womens circles and women in the garden or women in the community doing what they do. WishingWell, Inc is a non-profit 501 (C) 3 parent of HealCircle, HealthierPodcast, HealCircle, HealerPedia and HealthBootcamps brands. Dr. John Gray and The Mars and Venus Wellness Solution. He would protect them and he would help fix things when they break, and he was kind of the emergency man (a term Gray refers to in his book). Very little more was expected of him. Cancer and the New Biology of Water with Dr. Thomas Cowan | Part 2. You mentioned that for some couples when the sex drive goes away there is anger about that, but for some couples there is actually a peacefulness that sets in when the sex drive is gone. In fact, last night he said, I had a rough day. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. You have finally let your diplomatic character get the better of you. Heart disease in men is owing to low testosterone. When I do what John Gray says to do, everything works out really well. You just go away for a day and do things that you love to do, and if you want you can give me a call, and Ill get a babysitter and come visit you at a hotel room., John Gray: It was a very sweet time of our lives and I remember it very clearly. Dr. Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. Organize, control, distribute and measure all of your digital content. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. I know Ive been the emotional one plenty of times, not aware of why. In that sense, there is symmetry to their roles. And how can you say it is written for women when, in fact, it tells men how to get the kinds of outcomes they want? Vergrern Sie die Reichweite Ihrer Marke authentisch und teilen Sie Markeninhalte mit Kreativen im Internet. It just feels like you dont care about me. But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. Men need to do something that makes them feel successful. She had two little children from a previous marriage, and in our first year of marriage we had a child together, so we had three daughters. I feel like you get what you want and I get seconds. Why giving a woman 4 hugs a day will help keep their estrogen in regular supply and increase. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images). So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. So they did the best they could, and they became like men in order to get that respect. No one has really done that. In doing so, stress levels can be kept in check as romantic feelings begin to re-blossom. A main effect is that they often divorce you. For the past 25 years, John has worked in manufacturing and facility maintenance, and he is now a facilities manager overseeing over 2.8 million square feet. Try not verbalize negative complaints to your loved ones. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. Men should not show emotions unless talking to a therapist who is going to analyze and support them. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Gray runs through things women prepare for: meals, children, their appearance, relationship, and so on. Having a home life made success greater than Id ever imagined. They have three grown daughters and Guys who like to hang out with girls and have lots of girl friends, typically there are two categories. I just need to talk for a while and feel that you care. In saying that, Bonnie not only prepares John for the ducking and dodging he is going to have to do, but also apologizes in advance for whatever she may say that is offensive or mean-spirited. DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE CHEAT SHEET AND ACTION STEP WORKBOOK NOW. Three. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships and start learning these new relationship and communication tools today! it gives you 30 days of free weekly tracking of your moods, diet, meds, symptoms, notes, goals and gratitude. Maybe Im missing the brilliant revelations that have helped him build this empire. Now lets look at what Bonnie Grays responsibilities are. During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with They dont expect their husband to do it all. People are unique and different, but when you get down to the level of how we are coping with stress, this is a hardwiring that goes on in our bodies. I think its a very very young Bonnie Gray. In the exchanges youve got here, John Gray is asking people to be more aware of their feelings, and the feelings of others. Dont I do anything nice? Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. Within a few years men were buying as many [copies] as women, once word caught on that this book is very supportive of men as well as women. But daily life doesnt let us access those kinds of intense feelings. John Gray: I dont see it as a problem at all when women relate to men more than women. Estrogen suppresses testosterone. Gray runs through things women prepare for: meals, children, their appearance, relationship, and so on. And if the guy says, I need to spend a little alone time, and you say, Just go on and get out of here, I mean, what a brilliant thing! On the other hand a womans heart opens when she is successful in getting the love support she needs. Check out Dr. Joels interview on how to prevent heart disease. I just need to talk for a while and feel that you care.. Im afraid I will not get what I want. It just feels like you dont care about me. John Gray: It gets to the root of the matter, and then we can honor those differences because many of them are physiological. Some of them are preferences, some of them are simply temperaments. What I have to say doesnt matter at all.. In the nineties the drug companies discovered that oxytocin was not only the nurturing hormone, but was also the hormone responsible for womens sexual response. Not very much time, as I recall. They will thank you for it . Its oxytocin. Here is the resolution of the computer argument above. Author John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. Therapy is quite often biased in that way, in reinforcing the womans dissatisfaction in attempting to change a man and his nature, rather than using his nature to be most supportive of her. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all. Little does she know. That book did well, self-published. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. Bonnie says, I have a lot of feelings coming up, and I would like to talk about them. For women- When you feel successful in getting the love and support they need. An advocate of health and optimal brain function, he also provides natural solutions for overcoming depression, anxiety, and stress to support increased energy, libido, hormonal balance, and better sleep. Key insight is dont verbalize the negative but you can share the emotions. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. And more and more women are making as much, or more, than men. John Gray: Its all locked up inside. Your email address will not be published. Just the fact that I could talk about my feelings without you getting upset with me makes me feel so loved. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Women need caring, understanding, respect, and reassurance. Scroll back to top . How we regulate and respond to stress determines our heart health. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. Change). We have to have a life that is rich in different types of support. Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. Well, for lots of reasons. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE Get personalized pricing by telling us when, where, and how you want to use this asset. Do you want to be seen as insecure or as a child? But if you feel like its thirty steps and you still dont know if you are ever going to get there, you just get tired. How we might interpret things that bother us in a relationship to mean, Oh, they must not love me., Why being in both our logical and emotional minds at the same time can lead to great, How we start to lose our logic when we begin and stay in a. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. Their love story unfolded in a series of popular self-help books that have sold millions of copies and have been translated into 5o languages. They are the original Mars and Venus - yes, that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" author John Gray with his wife, Bonnie, at their Hill Top Ranch on the Mendocino Coast celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. John Gray: Every woman does. Organisieren, kontrollieren, verteilen und messen Sie alle Ihre digitalen Inhalte. John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. I just have a lot of feelings coming up. But to simply put it, testosterone is the hormone of sex for men, and oxytocin is the hormone of sex for women. Now lets look at what Bonnie Grays responsibilities are. That was the easy response. Join the Wellness + Wisdom VIP email newsletter toget notified first for the latest W+W podcasts, special exclusive discounts, and get FREE access to the M21 Guide: a simple yet powerful 21 minute morning system to give you more energy + better immunity so you can live life well. WebBus Schedule. My kind of therapy that I was doing is primarily educational therapy, just educating people on the differences, and that they are quite capable of making their relationships work in many instances. But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. PR.com: Sometimes relationships can cause us to regress and lean back on our partner with a little too much weight. I really appreciate you trying to listen. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. A collaboration between Wellness Force and Essential Oil Wizardry to provide inspiration for you click here. Here they are in much earlier days, before all the ducking and dodging and pausing and preparing. John and Bonnie Gray, Just Doin TheirJobs. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. Social and economic shifts have caused the sexes to no longer be dependent on each other. Watch Love and Health with Dr. John Gray. Its not like youre going to just lock yourself up in a room and get away. PR.com: I particularly love the two page cartoon in the center of this book. Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. This is why we dont sell products, get paid for recommendations, or sell ads on our podcast. so that you can have both the male and female points of view when applying MarsVenus relationship skills. Webdr john gray wife, bonnie. It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. [1] This was written to illustrate how John did what needed to be doneand so should we all, guysand so resolved the crisis. He is asking them to be less aware of their feelings and more aware of their wifes feelings. They have been happily married for over 30 years and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. He says he is ducking and dodging, continuing to hold back and not retaliate, but he is aware that he can take only so much more. And one will tend to be repelled from the women that are becoming like men. I dont know why you have to get another computer. The key to any communication is to start with the phrase- this is not a big deal, just take it into consideration. And we assume our partner would be thinking and feeling the same way, when quite often its different. Estrogen is also a key thing for women. John Gray: Yes, he did (laughs). Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. What if the source of the problem is not treatable? For more on #BookOfJohnGray, visit http://bit.ly/23tPWQBFind OWN on TV at http://www.oprah.com/FindOWN#OWNTV #BookOfJohnGray #JohnGraySUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1vqD1PNDownload the Watch OWN App: http://bit.ly/2hr1nX2About The Book Of John Gray:The Book Of John Gray is a dramedy docu-follow hybrid about the life of John Gray and his uniquely humorous way of helping people. Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! In the movies it happens because there is some sort of life and death situation; some intense situation and then there are all of these romantic feelings. Whats wrong with the computer you already have? John Gray: Oh, theres no question in anybodys mind that that is the case. PR.com: What creates that disinterest as time goes on? So there is a numbness that sets in. Then Gray married his second wife, Bonnie, in 1986 and she died of cancer in 2018. How can we relate to one another? Early man had to learn to duck and dodge his enemies in battle, for instance, so it should come naturally for a husband to duck and dodge his wifes unreasonable tongue-lashing. Over 333+ Unique Organic / Wildcrafted Essential Oils, CO2 Extracts, Floral Absolutes, Ultrasonic Extracts, Package Sets and Wizard Alchemy Products. John Gray: The idea first came into my consciousness many years ago. . Then, that gives rise to misunderstanding. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand., She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way.. Reassurance is a key factor to level their testosterone and keep that estrogen up. Dr. John Gray, The only way that you can grow is to step beyond where you were limited. Collect, curate and comment on your files. I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. John Gray Speech. Depth with edge. John Gray: Right, and on the surface that would sound very thin to some people, unless you measure and see that during a massage her oxytocin levels rebuild, and then she is able to cope with stress. (LogOut/ It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. John Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. Learn how your comment data is processed. So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. Thats a common phenomena, and that is a problem for relationships. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. Im still amazed at the relevance that Men Are from Mars still has, 25 years after it was published! dr john gray wife, bonnie dr john gray wife, bonnie. There are some therapists who dont have this insight, and they tend to just referee while having everyone talk. A mans testosterone levels at forty years old are the same as a seventy year old man just thirty years ago. I have two different mens groups that I am a part of. If people arent reminded of how they continually create the problems that they experience in life, then they feel victimized, and of course the love stops flowing and they want to end the relationship. For that reason, Bonnie Gray, as she appears in the Mars/Venus books, comes off as petulant and unreasonable. Johns discussion of his two-year grieving process over the passing of his longtime partner Bonnie gives us some important perspective and inspiration. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. I have a recent example of that one. Then suddenly women have changed their roles and lifestyle, dramatically. The next four exchanges are presented as a block. So what I did was to spend some time apologizing for being late. Their life does it. Can those of us alive today in the 21st century take a cue from our turn of the 20th century ancestors when it comes to sustaining solid marriages that dont end in divorce, re-invigorating marital sexual relations, and even aiding in fertility? Sign up below and get started today! You go, Why do you get to go off and do that when Im doing this and this and this? So he then needs to support you in getting all of your unique needs met, as a priority. Thats what she should have done in the buying the computer scenario. It gets locked up and you cant access it with your partner if your testosterone levels start dropping. Here at MarsVenus.com, Ive teamed up with. Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. PR.com: Like you say in the book, when a woman goes off to get a massage, for example, it is to escape all of her responsibilities. How do you know? 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